because things DO happen for a reason, of that i'm sure

okay quite some time passed since my birthday. but dont really have any mood to blog about it. i'm so exhausted like just finish running a 2.4 run.
unwillingly took a half day leave today as my stomach hurts like hell. sigh. how much do u earn half a day?

okay.
my 19th birthday was pretty okay. thanks to all the people who made the effort to come. hmm.. really sweet of those who came down as east coast is one of the difficult place to travel to. lots of walking done i guess.

i make a wish this year not much different frm the past 18 yrs. except i forgot to add in "world peace" on the wishing list. too preoccupied with many many many redundant things on my mind.

well, i suddenly have this thought that have been stuck at the back of my head and now i brought it up and think about it. someone ask me is so and so my best friend? and do we still have best friends nowadays? i do envy people with close clicks, die hard buddies. many do see me as one with lots and lots and lots of friends. but how many true friends do i have? ten fingers is enough to count it all? or maybe five.

of course. one of my soul mate is yang. he is not just a boyfriend. but also my best friend.
but of all my other friends, i have doubts about friendship not because i'm no longer friends with them. is because i try so hard to find the lost chemistry that we all used to have one another. the sisterly , brotherly feeling that i yearn so much to find it again. but yet lost so much in the midst of the crowd. but i came to understand, those things are not faded, they are there. they remain there. even if' it's the same people doing the same thing, still the same wonderful feeling cannot be captured but can only be left as some part of our fond memories. is sad. because we know about it, is just that we dont talk about it but maybe all of us are just working hard to find it. but is emptiness and disappointed that falls into our hands.

i realise that actually i'm not close to my secondary classmates except for a few who became my close friends and out of this small circle, i only see yy as one of the most consistent one. and of course kel, my soul mate my best gf in sec 1 that i love her to bits. but we all have our own life, bf, never really having quality time with each other too.

i see groups of people in the class becoming best buddies and i wonder why i couldnt walk into a group like this? am i different? or just being an anti social freak.
in jc days, i still could not blend in and make no delibrate effort to fit in the class. but still easy going and cool about everything that goes on in the life of it. the soul mate found in jc days was easily dissolve into a dream and swept away by the wind and betrayal.
of cos i still found one that click with me and i love her too is qi. but yet time may pull us apart and at times i found difficult catching up and understanding her too. but friendship still stays so in the heart as i' recollect the times i bore my heart to her.

you can call anyone ur girlfriend, sister ,sweetie but is she truly one soul mate?
or just a companion that u pick from the crowd.